Anger

Anger is a natural emotion that is often felt by people but is also often not understood or managed appropriately.  Anger is a feeling or emotion that ranges from irritation to fury and rage.  Anger is a response that is natural to feel in a situation when a person feels threatened.  During this time, a person feels that they are in danger or that another person has wronged them in some way.  Also, anger can be an emotion that is triggered when needs or desires are not met. 

                There are several myths about anger that are often believed that need to be addressed.  The first myth is that anger in inherited:  It is often believed that anger is inherited and cannot be changed but this is in correct.  Studies have shown that people are not born with a set specific ways of expressing anger and this is actually learned behavior; which means people can learn ways to control anger appropriately.  

              The second myth is that anger automatically leads to aggression.  There is a misconception that the only way to express anger is through aggression. In fact, effective anger management is done by using learned coping skills that help control the escalation of anger.  This can be done by learning how to use positive self-talk, using behavioral strategies, and challenging irrational beliefs.  

             The third myth is that people must be aggressive to get what they want.  This is actually a confusion between aggression and assertiveness.  The goal of aggression is to dominate others to get what you want while the goal of assertiveness is to express feelings of anger in a way that is respectful to other people.  

           The fourth myth is that venting anger is always desirable.  It was a thought for many years among mental health professionals that expressing anger by screaming or beating a pillow was the most effective way to manage anger.  This is not so, and studies have shown that expressing anger this way only leads to becoming better at being angry.

                The first step in learning to manage anger appropriately is to become aware of the anger which includes triggers and cues.  A trigger is an event, circumstance or behavior of others that caused a person to become angry.  A cue is how a person’s body identifies the anger they are feeling such as; increased heart rate, knots in stomach, and the body feeling flushed.  In addition to learning how to recognize anger, a person needs to learn skills to manage their anger.  These skills should include immediate skills to reduce anger when it increases and preventative strategies to help not become angry.  A few immediate skills could be taking timeouts, deep breathing exercises, and thought stopping.  An example of preventative strategy is learning how to interact appropriately with others and being assertive instead of aggressive. 

                Anger is a natural emotion that everyone feels but people can learn skills to be able to prevent their anger from increasing or manage it appropriately so it does not become a problem for them in their lives. 

Dave Homer, LCSW