Worrying Is Worthless

It is not uncommon for people to worry about the many different stressors in their life. We usually worry about something when it is important to us or when we are nervous about or want to change the outcome. Most of the time, in these situations there is not very much we can do and so we feel very helpless and like we lack control. When we worry, we feel like we are doing something, but this only zaps us of our energy, does not change the outcome, and increases our anxiety.

I like the metaphor of worry being a weed. The more you feed, take care of it, and water it, the more it grows. When you take such good care of something you will find that it begins to produce sticky leaves, painful stickers, creeping vines, and becomes so big that it will take over the whole garden, yard, and even begin to entwine itself up and over the house. If we don’t nurture and feed the weeds, then they will soon be less and less likely to grow and flourish and become dry and even disappear. No one wants to have so many weeds (worries) that they feel like they are being held down, overwhelmed, helpless, and become more and more anxious.

Here are a few pointers to manage worry and in turn decrease anxiety:

·         Be aware of your thoughts.

A thought is just a thought: We do not have to keep it or own it.

Thoughts are very powerful and although we may not realize this, our thoughts create our feelings. We need to be aware of our thoughts and check on them to see if we need to change what we are telling ourselves. Positive self-talk is very important.

·         Put the worry in a container, up on a shelf, or in a drawer.

Imagine what the container looks like and only you are in control of opening and closing it – For example: a chest under the ocean with chains around it and a mermaid guarding it or a locked safe and you are the only one that knows the code and can get in.

·         Get busy doing something and try to be mindful of what you are doing in that moment.

Do an activity or something that you know helps you feel more positive – (For example: Go for a walk and notice everything you see, hear, and smell around you, listen to upbeat music, watch a funny TV show, talk to someone you care about, or do something nice for someone else.)

·         Take one thing at a time.

Many times we have so much to do that it can become overwhelming. We can break these things down to smaller steps so they do not seem like such big tasks.

·         Give yourself a break.

Everyone makes mistakes and can have off days. The man at the store does not ask others if he needs a pencil with an eraser or without one. This is because we all make mistakes and now and then. It is how we talk to ourselves and what we choose to do with this that makes the difference.

Sue Rosenbaum, LCSW

Throwback Tuesday: The Art of Control

(This post has previously been posted on Rehabilitative Health Service's Blog, but we felt it had relevance this month.)

Often time’s young adults come into my office and say things like “no one cares about me” “I feel controlled by my parents” and “I never have a say in what happens in my life.”

 

As kids are reporting this to me during sessions I start to wonder “Is this really happening or are they making it up to hopefully get what they want”. What I have found is that parents and or (adults) tend to seek and gain ALL control of those whom they are responsible for.

 

Sharing control with your kids is an art that takes time, patience, love and lots of empathy. Some people may say things like “If I don’t tell my kids what to do and how to do it then they will never do anything right. This technique sounds good and may work from time to time however, it is important to CONSULT with your kids and allow them the opportunity to think for them self’s.

 

Parents who consult with there kids create a open door for communication that will develop an even playing field in which the child will feel comfortable expressing there true thoughts and emotions. Kids want to be heard and know that what they have to say is important. What may seem trivial for you as the parent maybe huge or life changing for your child.

 

As parents, a goal should be to understand and know are children’s true feeling so we can help them with issues or difficulties they may face in there life’s journey.

 

Brett Hampton LCSW

Therapist at RHS