Accepting Constructive Criticism

Constructive criticism can be very hard to accept. It can also make a person feel inferior when they hear it.  People give constructive criticism to help others improve themselves and the situation.  When someone gives you constructive criticism there are seven guidelines that can help us accept the criticism and turn it into something positive. 

1.        Listen Respectfully. It is easy to get upset when someone is trying to give us constructive criticism. When we get upset, we tend to focus on the negative points instead of hearing what the person is truly trying to tell us.  It is best to listen to the speaker and let them finish saying what they wanted to say; only asking brief questions for clarity.  Give that person a chance to explain their concerns and try not to tune out points that you disagree with. Try to stay focused on the entire message.  Make mental notes to try to address when it is your turn to speak. 

2.        Be sure you understand. When accepting constructive criticism you will need to understand fully what the other person has told you.  You do not have to accept blame or responsibility for something that does not makes sense to you, or you do not understand.  If you do not understand, ask question or make comments to help you understand what they are saying. 

3.        Acknowledge the Speaker’s point of view:  As you are listening to someone, you may disagree with what they are saying and want to respond, instead try to put yourself in the speaker’s shoes and realize that it cannot be easy for them to talk to you.  Realize that they are trying to help and it is important to realize that not everyone is perfect and they are trying to help point out a flaw, which shows that they care about you and want to help you improve a situation. 

4.        Don’t become Defensive:  We all want to be accepted and appreciated for who we are and sometimes we feel embarrassed, guilty or ashamed when others notice a behavior or mistake that we have made.  Because of these feelings, it is difficult to accept constructive criticism but being open to learning and growing is a desirable characteristic for any job or relationship. 

5.        Avoid Escalating Tensions:  When discussing ones limitations the potential for tensions to escalate is higher when we feel criticized or misunderstood.  When we are feeling this way, it is natural to bring up past issues or current problems but this is not the time to bring them up.  It is better to focus on the issue at hand and reserve any concerns for a later time unless they are relevant to the current issue. 

6.        Follow up with Positive actions:  After accepting criticism graciously accept the responsibility for making changes that will help you improve.  Following up with suitable actions will show others that you can accept criticism and can actually put it to good use. This will improve your professional image and improve your personal relationships.

7.        Take the Initiative:  You don’t have to wait for others to give you constructive criticism instead you could ask others for their opinion so you can avoid making the same mistake in the future. 

Accepting criticism from others is important and can make you a more affective person in your professional and personal lives. 

Dave Homer, LCSW

Attachment

With summertime finally here, we often find it much easier to engage in activities with our children. Outdoor activities are a great way to promote attachment.  What is attachment?  Why is it important?  How can we do more of it?

Attachment is the connection found in the main relationships in a child’s life.  It is most effective when it occurs with parents.  Children and parents are meant to form attachments with each other.  Studies show that infants prefer their caregiver’s face and voice more than any other sights and sounds. 

Attachment is important because it can build resilience and trust in your child.   A child who is secure in his/her attachments are more likely to stay away from addictive substances, abstain from impulsive and dangerous behaviors, and include his/her parents in choices and goals.  Additionally, a resilient child is able to ride through the storms of life with confidence and skills that build his/her character and contribute to strength and courage.

Building attachments with children is rather easy.  To quote the words of a poem from an unknown author: 

I tried to teach my child with books.

He gave me only puzzled looks.

I used clear words to discipline,

But I never seemed to win.

Despairingly, I turned aside.

“How shall I reach this child?” I cried.

Into my hand he put the key:

“Come,” he said, “Play with me.”

Children love to play.  So put your phone and devices away! Engage in wholesome family activities such as swimming, riding bikes, walks, basketball, tag, board games (NOT video games!).  Promote activities that build trust through safe touch, eye contact, and soothing gestures such as mirroring (copycat), piggyback rides, and peek a boo.  Let Google give you hundreds of ideas, and get out there with your children and attach! 

Very Young Trauma Survivors:  PTSD and the Role of Attachment https://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/family/very_young_trauma_survivors.asp

Five Attachment Based activities to Strengthen Parent-Child Bonds        https://pro.psychcentral.com/child-therapist/2014/08/5-attachment-based-activities-to-strengthen-parent-child-relationships/

Liz R Harding, LMSW