Self Care

Now that the holidays are over and we can slow down a little. The New Year often brings New Year’s Resolutions with it. Now would be a good time to start some self-care. But what is self-care? Self-care has become a trendy term that is thrown around all the time. Many people believe that self-care includes getting pedicures, manicures, hot baths, massages and facials. All of these things are nice and who doesn’t want to be pampered? However, is that really self-care?

 The things listed above can be included in self-care but I think that self-care is much deeper than that. Self-care includes taking care of our mental, emotional and physical self. Things like planning, making budgets and living within our means are included in self-care. I believe that we also need to include things like journaling, getting enough sleep, drinking water, listening to music that we enjoy, exercise and going outside in our self-care toolbox. Self-care should be something that you plan on doing for yourself because you enjoy it. Self-care should not be another box to check off the to do list. It is important to note that self-care is not being selfish. In her article, This is What ‘Self-Care’ REALLY Means, Because It’s Not All Salt Baths and Chocolate Cake, Brianna Wiest states “True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from”. 

Setting the goal of incorporating self-care into our lives can start out small. We do not have to make large changes in our lives to get benefits from those changes. Try adding one new self-care skill to your day and practice this for a week, then try adding another small self-care skill to your week.

https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2017/11/this-is-what-self-care-really-means-because-its-not-all-salt-baths-and-chocolate-cake/

Tiffany Hayner, LMSW      

Building Shame Resilience During the Holidays

          As we find ourselves deep in holiday plans, shopping, wrapping and decorating, we may at times be overwhelmed with the idealized images of the perfect holiday blasted at us from all directions. We unfortunately can easily feel a sense of shame when our own lives don’t seem to conform to those images. Rather than filling us with joy, the holiday season can feel like a humiliating experience. No one deliberately shames us. No one intends us to feel bad about ourselves. But when we’re not with our families or we find ourselves alone, we often feel ashamed all the same. This type of shame lies beneath the depression that can afflict many of us at this time of year.

     Brené Brown has described the perfectionistic ideals and expectations imposed upon us by society, and how the inevitable failure to reach those ideals instills a sense of shame; with all those happily-ever-after Christmas movies, Hallmark sentimentality, and carols about joy and love and family, our culture likewise imposes a set of expectations for how your own holiday season ought to “look.” During the holiday season, this sense of shame can easily be intensified by well-meaning colleagues or acquaintances who ask where you’re spending your holidays. Disconnection and a feeling that one does not “belong” will always stir up shame. Rather than go into hiding, as many of us tend to do, we instead can work to build up shame resilience. Building shame resilience can be especially important during this time of year. 

     Brene’ Brown suggests four ways:

1. Recognize shame when we feel it. Once you know what trips you up and mires you in feelings of shame, you can begin to manage the triggers and learn healthier responses.

2. Recognize our social and cultural expectations and how we react to shame.

3. Connections—make meaningful empathetic and compassionate connections with others. There are many ways to belong. There are many opportunities to volunteer and connect with other people. Getting outside yourself and giving to the needy will not only lessen your sense of holiday shame but brings the added bonus of building your shame resilience.

4. Share it—speak about that which is most shameful to us—shame cannot survive exposure. 

Unfortunately shame is not something that we can just get rid of. Shame resilience is an ongoing practice.