Forgiveness

“People who are inflicting harm on others really and truly do not know what they are doing to others.  They are always acting out of there own feelings of anger and hatred.  What they direct at others says nothing about the others. However, it says something very powerful about them.  …  Those people who have behaved toward you in any way which you find hurtful really and truly do not know what they have done to you… They are sending out their disharmony toward you because that is what they have to give away.  Hating them for their behavior is akin to hating moss for growing on a tree and destroying the appearance of the tree.  The moss only knows how to be moss, and regardless of your opinion about how it should not be behaving in such moss like ways, it will still continue doing all that it knows how to do.” 

We can not judge ourselves based off of what others say about us.  All that does is tell us who they are and what they think.  We need to be judged off of our own actions and behaviors.  Forgiveness is not saying that what they have done is okay or that we agree with it, it is simply the fact that we are no longer waiting for them to fix what they have broken because we understand they can’t. They have given what they have to give and it is up to us to move on, protected ourselves, find the skills that we need to be okay, and stop letting them hurt us.  We are not going to spend more time waiting for them to be something that they are not.  We can’t expected moss to produce beautiful flowers anymore then we can expected angry and hatefully people to give us love and strength.

Kristy Goodson, LMSW

 

*Forgiveness the healing gift we give ourselves by Cheryl Carson  (pg 54)

Keeping Children Safe

            Child sexual abuse is far more prevalent than most people realize. Nearly 1 in 10 children will become a victim of sexual abuse before turning 18 and our little community within Southeastern Idaho is not exempt from this prevalence. This number might not seem too high, but consider that nearly 60% of sexually abused children never even disclose their abuse. Currently it is estimated that only 38% of sexually abused children will come forward with their abuse to a trusted adult; therefore, it is hard to estimate how prevalent child sexual abuse truly is when merely looking at the current data available to the public.

            I have found that most parents are shocked to learn about the risk factors for child sexual abuse and are willing to do their best to keep their children safe. There is often a misconception about who can be trusted around children versus who cannot be trusted around children. 90% of child sexual abuse victims know their perpetrator. This means that only 10% of child sexual abuse cases occur with a stranger that the victim is not affiliated with. Abusers will look for opportunities to get close to children and will often groom the parents before gaining the chance to groom and perpetrate on a child. This means that abusers are often neighbors, family friends and family members, affiliates through church, and affiliates through recreational activities.

I find that it is vital that parents learn about these dangers, so that they can be more aware of just how easy it is for a perpetrator to gain access to children. The next step is to minimize opportunities whenever possible. It is important to recognize the grooming process and how quickly it can happen. Parents need to have open dialogue with their children about the dangers of sexual predators, because sexual abuse is often secretive in nature. If a parent or caregiver is uncomfortable talking about sexual abuse, their children will most likely struggle to come forward if abuse has occurred. Parents need to also watch for behavioral and emotional changes within a child. Children of sexual abuse will start to exhibit signs of anxiety, fear, depression, and have unexplained rebellion and anger. Lastly, it is most important to listen when a child comes forward with sexual abuse along with getting in touch with local law enforcement to report the abuse.

The therapy staff at Rehabilitative Health Services is committed to keeping children safe and teaching parents about the dangers of child sexual abuse. We are a trauma informed therapy staff and have specialty training to work with victims of child sexual abuse and childhood trauma. To learn more about our psychotherapy services please contact our office at 208-523-5319.

Stephanie Shirley- LMSW

Sources:

http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.9314267/k.3928/Child_Sexual_Abuse_Statistics.htm