Name it, Claim it, Tame it

 Just as our body and skin needs to be fed and cared for in a healthy and responsible manner, our mind and soul need that same attention. We need to become aware of our thoughts, feelings and actions and being responsible for them.  This allows us to develop the ability to respond to life and others without the darkness of blame or shame. There is a simple guidance often used in therapy that goes, “Name it, claim it and tame it.” It refers to being able to identify or name our challenges, emotions, weaknesses or faults; claim them or accept them as our own; and taming them by learning to live with them, overcome them or transform them.

Name it… the Challenge
The first step is when we name the challenge. We may say we are angry about a situation but on further reflection we become aware that we are hurt or disappointed, therein naming the first or core feeling.

 

When we name or identify the feeling or perhaps the object of our fear, we make it conscious. It no longer sits in our subcortical brain – the realm of fears, fight, flight or freeze. It moves to the cortex where it can be known and processed. Then we begin the journey out of denial into acceptance.

In those moments when we feel overwhelmed with emotion, simply naming what we’re feeling can be helpful.  The process is exactly what it sounds like: when emotions arise, we try to describe our internal state without having to explain or rationalize whatever we’re feeling. This process promotes integration by strengthening our brain’s language capabilities and connecting them to the spontaneous and raw emotions in other parts of the brain. This neurological process helps us calm down and feel more balanced.

Claim it…Accept Responsibility
This is why the first step in 12 Step Programs is, “I admit I was powerless over _X_ and that my life had become unmanageable.” Once I identify (name) and accept (own) the situation, thought or feeling for what it is, I can take personal responsibility.

I become aware that the condition, situation, thought or feeling has nothing to do with anyone else but me. It is my response and perspective alone. This does not mean that I am assigning guilt, blame or shame to myself or anyone else. I am simply naming the challenge, accepting my response and role in the situation and now developing or learning to mindfully respond rather than act out of denial, blame, anger or any other previously learned behavioral pattern such as avoidance.

 

When describing our internal state, it’s helpful to remember an acronym developed by Siegel known as “SIFT.” SIFTing the mind involves taking time to sit with the emotion and try to identify any sensations, images, feelings, and thoughts we’re experiencing. In those intense instances when we’re triggered, we can pause to ask ourselves one by one what sensations, images, feelings, and thoughts are arising.

This straightforward exercise can offer a surprising amount of insight into any underlying stressors.

1.     Own it. Its ok to feel how you are feeling, don’t try to shut it down, rather allow it to move through you. Remind yourself that you can show up for yourself. SHOWING UP FOR YOURSELF CAN LOOK LIKE ASKING YOURSELF…

a.     Right now I am feeling…..

b.     What can I do to help myself feel safe in this moment?

c.     What need do I have right now? (Ex: Space, verbal affirmations of love, just being present with the feeling….)

2.     Willingness to reach out to others when you feel shame

Who can you reach out to and talk about your shame responses with today?

3.     The ability to speak about shame- to describe your experience of shame to another person

Tame it …Tame the Response

Taming the automatic or unconscious response is developing the ability to respond in a non-destructive, non-judgmental  or non-violent manner. In this way we are getting to know and explore our Shadow, our dark side. These include our destructive thoughts, feelings, behaviors, prejudices, any disowned character vulnerability and the house of our shame.

To bring the light of awareness to these dark corners we use the tools which assist us in working out our emotions. This could be talking to trusted people; coping skills and strategies, releasing body tension; finding expression in drawing, writing, song, movement or any meaningful art form we have an affinity for which allows us to bring the unconscious to consciousness.

This is the area in which we employ the skills we developed from becoming aware of our feelings, thoughts and behaviors and consciously choosing to act with unconditional kindness and compassion.

Running from the reality of how we feel, the discomfort, fuels the pain and keeps it stagnant in our bodies. By recognizing it, naming it, and talking about it, it allows us to step back into our power enough to show up for ourselves.

 

Sara Hiatt, LCSW