Our culture has taught us to say negative things about ourselves; we are taught to put others first and to measure our value based on what we do rather than who we are. Many of us were taught that giving ourselves the benefit of the doubt is selfish, weak, and will kill motivation. This mindset leads to mental distress and decreased self-worth. Learning self-compassion is arguably one of the biggest changes we can make for our mental health. Kristin Neff, an expert in self-compassion, states that self-compassion is comprised of 3 elements: mindfulness, common humanity, and kindness.
Mindfulness helps us view ourselves and our circumstances as they are, without judgment; this leads to increased acceptance, less shame, and more compassion towards ourselves. We tend to be more compassionate towards those we love than we do towards ourselves.
Common humanity can help us recognize that we are human and that it is okay to struggle and make mistakes, allowing us to see ourselves with the compassion we willingly give our loved ones.
Kindness helps people to keep going when life is hard, to try again, and to believe in one's abilities; kindness towards oneself means becoming our own cheerleader and encouraging ourselves to keep going.
Self-compassion can feel challenging and awkward because it goes against what we have been taught culturally, but it is important for mental health. Self-compassion doesn't necessarily mean adding something else to our list of things that need to be done; being intentional, non-judgmental, and changing how we word things can have a substantial impact. The difference may be as simple as saying, "I'm tired and am honoring what my body is telling me by resting" instead of saying, "I'm so lazy, I didn't do anything last night." We have worth because we exist, and self-compassion helps us recognize this truth and thus improves mental health.
