Constructive criticism can be very hard to accept. It can also
make a person feel inferior when they hear it.
People give constructive criticism to help others improve themselves and
the situation. When someone gives you constructive
criticism there are seven guidelines that can help us accept the criticism and
turn it into something positive.
1.
Listen
Respectfully. It is easy to get upset when someone is trying to give us
constructive criticism. When we get upset, we tend to focus on the negative
points instead of hearing what the person is truly trying to tell us. It is best to listen to the speaker and let
them finish saying what they wanted to say; only asking brief questions for
clarity. Give that person a chance to explain
their concerns and try not to tune out points that you disagree with. Try to
stay focused on the entire message. Make
mental notes to try to address when it is your turn to speak.
2.
Be
sure you understand. When accepting constructive criticism you will
need to understand fully what the other person has told you. You do not have to accept blame or
responsibility for something that does not makes sense to you, or you do not
understand. If you do not understand,
ask question or make comments to help you understand what they are saying.
3.
Acknowledge
the Speaker’s point of view: As
you are listening to someone, you may disagree with what they are saying and
want to respond, instead try to put yourself in the speaker’s shoes and realize
that it cannot be easy for them to talk to you.
Realize that they are trying to help and it is important to realize that
not everyone is perfect and they are trying to help point out a flaw, which
shows that they care about you and want to help you improve a situation.
4.
Don’t
become Defensive: We all want to
be accepted and appreciated for who we are and sometimes we feel embarrassed,
guilty or ashamed when others notice a behavior or mistake that we have made. Because of these feelings, it is difficult to
accept constructive criticism but being open to learning and growing is a
desirable characteristic for any job or relationship.
5.
Avoid
Escalating Tensions: When discussing
ones limitations the potential for tensions to escalate is higher when we feel
criticized or misunderstood. When we are
feeling this way, it is natural to bring up past issues or current problems but
this is not the time to bring them up.
It is better to focus on the issue at hand and reserve any concerns for
a later time unless they are relevant to the current issue.
6.
Follow
up with Positive actions: After
accepting criticism graciously accept the responsibility for making changes
that will help you improve. Following up
with suitable actions will show others that you can accept criticism and can
actually put it to good use. This will improve your professional image and
improve your personal relationships.
7.
Take
the Initiative: You don’t have
to wait for others to give you constructive criticism instead you could ask
others for their opinion so you can avoid making the same mistake in the
future.
Accepting criticism from others is
important and can make you a more affective person in your professional and
personal lives.
Dave Homer, LCSW